well kids come and sit on my lap. settle now ok im going to tell you a nice story. maria can you sit more confortable on my lap, i mean, unzip me, and tom , van you get some gluhwein, put the heating on, its going to be nice and cozy inhere. huh..what? oh yeah i dont mind, just put a condom on orelse you get aids. to the point now guys, you have to go to bed in half an hour so i have to hurry.. no gluhwein? ah make it wodka then.. red royal , pure yeah. ah oke SHUT UP wel here is story 1 >> i had my first working day today, it is in some kind of large shopping shit doesnt matter anyway, when you leave you have to push a button and when it flashes green you can leave and when it flashes red you have to wait and you get bodysearched if you dont steal from yer own shop etc. when i left the f*ck was flasshing red, i was liek ah oke im not doing anything illegal, but after that the smell coming out of my pants reminded me that i had like 3 times the legal dose of marijuana in my back eeuh howyoucallit pocket etc i was like oh f*ck f*ck f*ck and i saw my job running out of my hands and i saw me going to jail etc i was f*ck in my f*ck head and i was really f*ck ing scared and it was like 3 guys of security came and i was almost blowing my head up and it was like sooo on the edge of death really f*ck scary and it was like ' who had the red light, said he guy in somekind of **** and gestapo voice and i was nearly pissing my pants and i said like ' it was me and the guard said' ah ok you can go im lazy' and i was like ' ok'. and i left . an di started blowing my head off because it is weekend and i didnt have to make any homework this weekend and i like that but ohw shit i have to make homework oh shit i have my final examinations in a week aahh il take the resits, everything more relaxed, now kids we still got some time so ill tell you another story it is real and i garantee you it is the truth, it happened to me this day, before i went to work. 2 days ago i brought my new dragonfly bmx to the bicycle repairgay in my town becuase i had bought it on internet, yeah your grandpa does have a bmx and does have internet, hes so good he even has a macintosh apple imac, in a few days he even gets a g5 the fastest personal computer ever, where to see it thomas?, ah www.apple.com i can make thos windows bastards jealous yeah and ofcourse your grandpa has weed, it is like he likes nice thing, ooooooh yeah keep on sucking little girl. when i brought my bmx to the bicycle men it was like ooh can you repair it for me please, it is right from internet and i dont know how bad it is and hes like ok ill do that get it on friday, so i went back on friday and it was like ah ok cool see you on friday then and when i went before my work after school (on friday) it was like ayght thanks man youre so *** and he was like ok man 20 euros please and i especially loooked after yourweels because you **** ed them up last time and i was like ok youre so *** here is your 20 euros and i hate you and he was like beybebye my friend spend more money here im *** and i went out the shop and i bunnyhopped over the sidewalk away from the *** and it was like BANG and my back tire exploded and i was like oh **** that **** **** and i went inside and he was like hi are you going to spend more money here and i was like you **** make my bike NOW and he was like ok and he made my bike and i went mad when he said like hi im *** and i didnt look after your back wheel and it was like WOOEEHAAAA and i was like im not going to pay you for this and he was like ok but ssee you later you want some nice shin protectors and i was like free? and he was like no 300 euros and i was like im outtahere and then i went to home had a joint and some vodka and now kids im enjoying myself with you and i m again having a joint and some vodka and some sexual pleasures and now children i think it is time to go to bed and yeah you should wipe your faces, here is your towel and now im like whow i typed so **** much im going to stop now.